Recently someone asked me what I thought was the most important aspect of a relationship and naturally my naive brain immediately jumped into attraction and sex. Obviously. Now are these necessarily number one? Part of me thinks so and here’s why. First off, you’re never going to land in a relationship with a person that you have absolutely no sexual chemistry at all with. Right? I mean how would that even happen? You can’t just ho-hum slip and fall into a relationship with someone if there is not that initial spark, that initial chemistry. Obviously, you want to have an initial attraction or spark with someone you’re interested in dating. Without that, I’d highly doubt you’d find the necessary chemistry there to begin dating someone. Sure, there are instances of people being friends for years with no chemistry whatsoever, no sexual tension and them ending up married/in a relationship. Those things happen, but are definitely rare. Now with that being said, they then followed up with asking, how does having a healthy sex life with your significant other necessarily mean a long relationship? Now for me, that was a tough one to answer.

In relationships, and regarding the attraction within those relationships, I would argue that sex is one of the top 3 most important aspects to your relationship. Along with communication, and trust. Sex is a big part of the equation but certainly not the definitive answer. There are multiple variables that factor into what makes someone you’re with the one, or maybe not the one. Hence where communication and trust come in. Obviously having that strong sexual chemistry will be an important indicator to how your relationship fares down the road but it by no means is the key indicator to how a relationship will last. Relationships are built on pillars or foundations. These can be as minute as having a favorite Tv Show, to as important as having a potential same religion. All of these factors add up to contributing to what makes a relationship work or fail. As I mentioned earlier, in my humble and often wrong opinion, the three most important being attraction/sex, communication, and trust. You can go along playing fine if some of these factors are working, but highly doubtful your relationship will last long without all three.

I feel often times people spend a lot of time THINKING about what they are looking for in a significant other rather than going out and testing out what they like and don’t like. Past experiences will always curtail what you look for in a future partner but it should not be the end all or be all. People change. As the things you’re looking for, or are attracted to will change over time, so will the people you find yourself being interested in. It’s 2015, and dating is not getting any easier. We’re inundated with easy to access apps and technologies that at times can be overwhelming. It’s definitely easy to get lost and find yourself adrift. There’s no reason to latch onto someone just because it feels like it’s the time to settle down, or all your friends are settling as well. At lot of times, a false sense of urgency is what will lead you down the unenviable path of being in a poor relationship and who wants to be in that?

Ultimately, relationships are a constant give and take. Good days and bad days. At some point, you will find the person that everything clicks with. Chemistry, sex, communication, and trust. You need these things to build a foundation for which your relationship can grow from. Great sex can be just that if you don’t have the ability to trust a person. If you can trust, communicate, and be attracted to someone, I think that great sex can be even better. What it boils down to is there is no formula for a healthy relationship or a long-lasting one. You have to find the person that compliments you in ways that you never realized you needed or makes you better in ways you didn’t know possible. When you find that, and only when you find that, will you end up settling down long-term with the person you’re supposed to be with.