Based on my Facebook feed for the last month or so and the dozen plus engagements I’d say yes, obviously. But hear me out for a second. For almost every single species on this planet except for humans, monogamy does not exist. While I have no evidence to back this up, it wouldn’t be surprising if it really were true. But in all seriousness, with monogamy as uncommon as it is, why is it that Generation-Y, more so than others, is actively looking for relationships with such determination?
I had planned on writing this detailing the many ways in which our generation has ditched the monogamous lifestyle, but in actuality, I think our priorities are coming closer to those of past generations than we’d care to admit.
Is it just my opinion, or does it seem that a crazy number of less-than-30 year olds are rapidly approaching the aisle? It’s weird. Every single person I know is engaged, married, or has at least one child. And I’m 29 for crying out loud. Listen, I’m all for monogamy, and if you have found the right one, then congrats! I’m super excited for you. But what is this whole “I have to be married by 30″ bullshit?
Who decided 30 was the age when you HAD to be married? Granted, I think monogamy, in general, is a great thing. I like the idea. The thought of being with just one woman for the rest of my life does appeal to me on some levels. Some. Levels. Not all. And with the divorce rate hovering at 50 percent, who can blame me? But generally, the concept of monogamy, I enjoy. I do believe in soul mates, and if you’re lucky enough to find someone that you can’t live a day without, props for you.
The funny thing for me is that, thus far, I’ve spent adult years as a single man, for the most part – and for good reason. I was lost as to why all my friends and everyone in my age group were so eager to jump into a monogamous relationship. Hell, I was in my early twenties I was just looking to go out at night, have a fun time and do stupid sh*t. After years of playing the same games, going on the same dates, diner after diner, and drink after drink, it got old. And it got old fast. It was difficult at first, for me to change my ways to actually wanting something more than a casual fling with someone, and it seemed it might not be something I was meant to handle. Except, when I least expected it, someone incredible came along.
Relationships that aren’t defined immediately, or within a fair period of time, will not last. There’s no rush to have the talk with someone immediately, but when you don’t, it brings about drama and issues when you start wondering if it’s cool to hookup with someone else while you’re seeing that person. I made that mistake. I was too eager to only spend my time this person, and the lack of a definition caused a series of drama that inevitably corrupted what I thought could have been something incredibly special. That was my mistake, and one that I’m in no rush to repeat again my life.
To be honest, monogamy for the right reasons is a great idea. Sadly, sometimes I think people find their way into a marriage, or a relationship, for all the wrong reasons. You don’t need society to dictate your life. No single person has to be monogamous, and neither do you. Monogamy for some just doesn’t work. Truth is, nobody is holding a gun to your head. There’s no reason why you have to set up that “back up plan,” or enlist a fallback husband or wife.
Monogamy is not for everyone. There is no reason, whatsoever, that you need to be married at anyone’s pace other than your own. Wait until you find someone that makes you happy all the time. At that point, and only that point, should you consider marriage. Take your time finding true happiness, and don’t rush into anything that might not be right.
Have some confidence in yourself that you’ll find the right person. Marry for love. Be monogamous for love. Being with one person for the rest of your life is special. And if you’re lucky enough to find that, embrace it because you’re truly blessed. Until that time comes, there is no reason to fear single life. Monogamy is a great thing that allows couples to trust one another and build towards long-term commitment. A monogamous sexual relationship is a building block to something bigger later down the road. Who doesn’t want that? Just make sure you’re happy, content and doing things for the right reason. Never make a commitment to someone if you feel that’s not what is right for you.
I think at one point every relationship needs to be defined. The longer you wait, the longer it’s likely you’re going to screw it up. I did that, and I regret it tremendously. If you’ve found someone that you think is truly worth every single minute of your day, lock them down. At this point, being 29 and single, I’m looking at it as a glass half full scenario.
My entire life is in front of me, and yet, I’m slightly envious of others for their blooming relationships, which I don’t have. Relationships can be great when they’re with the right people, and if you think you have found the right person, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, and be honest about what you want.