I’m Gripping for Answers and I’m having a hard time at it.

I feel sick. I feel angry. I’m having a hard time actually putting down on paper how awful I feel, and how numb I feel to it all. This past weekend started off shitty enough when I heard that poor 22 year old Christina Grimmie from The Voice had been senselessly gunned down at a meet and greet after her show. And it just didn’t make sense to me. This girl was sweet as could be and just out there living her dream and it seems completely unfair to me that she only had 22 years on this planet. Then came the events at Pulse nightclub in Orlando and I can honestly say for the first time in my life I’m speechless. What is even going on in this world anymore? I just don’t understand it.

What the fuck is wrong with people today? How does this level of hate get created? I mean it’s a level of evil that I just can not imagine or comprehend. It was bad enough when it was terrorists flying planes into buildings. And then a lunatic shooting up an elementary school. And now some jerk off kills 50 fucking people in a nightclub. What is going on? What am I missing? I just don’t understand how people can have this much hate. It doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t have time to hate people like that. I don’t have time to hate people at all honestly. It just never made sense to me. Why take time and worry about other people or think ill of them? It never added up. Life is so fucking short on its own let alone without some jerk off going off and perpetrates the worst mass shooting in the history of the United States. I’m angry. I’m mad. I’m sick. I’m devastated. The sheer loss of life is excruciating.

We have a document that our country was founded on called the Constitution. This document provides some “inalienable” rights to its people and for the most part has done well to provide for the core principles of this nation for over 200 years. This is the same document however that stated “all men are created equal” but really did not truly provide all of these equalities to all of its citizens until 60 years ago. The point I’m trying to make is it is time to make changes with our gun laws. I’m a “Republican”. I own guns. I get it. We want our freedoms. But have we not reached the point now where a serious debate must be fostered about gun control? It should not and CAN NOT be this easy for a lunatic to obtain a gun and kill dozens of people. It just can’t. We’re driving down a road where the country I grew up in is almost unrecognizable. Where having a difference of opinion based on race, religion, or sexual orientation is now all of a sudden a basis for murder? I feel like we’re losing a battle here. It’s happening very slowly, and unfortunately too quietly.

Sadly as you get older these types of events become less and less surprising. The cynic in me is not surprised. We’ve seen a gradual increase in gun violence in this country in the last 5 years alone. But I’m numb. I’m not mad anymore I’m just sad. I’m disappointed. I feel this immense amount of anger and sadness but what can I do with it? I write how I feel so that maybe you reading this can feel the way I’m feeling. That maybe we all feel so lost, so sad, so truly fucking angry about the events that have unfolded that we actually do something about it. This is an immense avoidable loss of life. It’s avoidable if we only have the conversation. Start having a civil conversation about why the fuck these things are happening and what we can do to stop them from happening. We used to live in a place where you took care of your neighbors and took care of the people around you but we don’t any more. We fight over political candidates and religious ideals and all for what? Is this the new American Dream? Where my god is better than your god? And my sexual orientation is more important than yours? I just don’t get it. And it scares me that I don’t because I’m numb to the point where I can no longer see an end to this craziness we’re seeing day after day. Week after week. Year after year.