Missed Connections in Life – June 10th 2016
To start, no, this is not going to be a blog about an advertisement on Craigslist. I have never in my life walked passed a woman and thought “my God she’s the most beautiful woman on the planet.” So let’s just pump the breaks there. But I want you to listen to me, and listen to me carefully.
I watched a video today by a man I truly admire Gary Vaynerchuck, and it really got me thinking. It got my creative juices flowing and I started thinking naturally about relationships and life and love and I came to a realization: That in life you either subscribe to one of two theories. That A. everything happens for a reason and that you will eventually find “the one”. Or B. you look back on your life and think you’ve made some colossal mistake with someone you’ve previously been with. And I’m here to tell you I don’t think it’s that cut and dry and you should probably let yourself off the hook.
“The biggest poison in us is regret”. Gary said this and I could not agree with him more. He’s spot fucking on. Regrets are killers. They keep people up at night and it is something I preach upon in almost every single one of my posts. Regret avoidance could truly be a life changing tool. You need to learn how to process disappointments in life and the sooner you do so, the sooner you can start growing as a person. People spend more time in their day to day lives worrying about the shit that has happened to them in their past than they do looking forward to the future. If you own a rear view mirror mentality in life you’re going to get eaten alive. Even if you’ve gone through a trying break up, or an extremely shitty relationship, you should never regret what happened. Sometimes that regret does not hit you instantly, sometimes it takes time to build, but you have to at all costs not look back on your past with regret.
The one thing people need to start doing more of is taking the positives and negatives alike in their lives and attribute them as learning experiences versus something that haunts us. Too often we stare at the past and think “oh man everything was so much better than with ______.” Life is an extremely long and winding road, one that is very easy to find yourself lost on. You are not doing yourself any favors by bogging yourself down with self induced negativity. Sure people have loved and lost but does that mean you should give up? No.
Of course everyone has had the proverbial “one that got away”. I do, you do, we all do. But let me ask you something. Is this really an accurate title for a person you are no longer with? I mean, if you’re anything like me and you believe in true love/soulmates/all that bullshit then you kind of have to think love sucks at times. Don’t you think if someone in your past really, TRULY was your soulmate you would have realized that? I mean it just seems crazy to me that you could have possibly met “the one” and let them go. Think about it, if you had met your soulmate isn’t it just a logical conclusion that you would have realized they were the one and perhaps NOT let them go? Maybe it’s time to stop looking at your past as a series of mistakes. And maybe stop thinking you were dumb and naive and young and start realizing that it is your past for a reason. Keep it there, behind you. There is a reason why someone from your past is no longer in your life. There is a reason you are no longer in a relationship with that person. Recognize that. Appreciate that. Learn from that, and move on.
Listen, life and relationships mirror each other strikingly. It’s so simple to think of your past and present in different lights simply dependent upon your relationship status. I mean romantic comedies will have you believing that only happy songs play around your day if you have a significant other. I understand that when you see everyone around you getting married and having babies, it is incredibly easy to provide yourself a bit of FOMO. It feels like you’re missing out on something. I get that. But too often people attribute happiness to having that kind of love in their lives. That sucks. It takes a very comfortable person to feel acceptable in their own skin if perpetually single. It took me a tremendous period of time to be comfortable in my own skin. To be able to say I’m confident in myself and that whenever I’m with someone or not it will have NO bearing on my work, my friendships, or my passions. You can’t allow yourself to attribute complete life happiness to being with someone. You just can’t.
“I think we only live one time, and we don’t act like it”. At the end of the day there should be only one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I believe that wholeheartedly. I hope for your sake, as well as mine that it is someone you have not met yet. People, lives ebb and flow with time. Don’t feel like there’s a certain age you need to be married by because there’s not. Do not fret when your friends are getting married and having babies because it’s perfectly normal to feel lost. The truth of life is that it’s short. It comes and goes with the blink of a fucking eye. You don’t need to ruin your days or give yourself sleepless nights by dreaming of the past and regretting mistakes. Stop worrying about when you’ll meet the love of your life and start realizing that eventually, when the time comes you will. It’s a lot easier said than done, but I truly believe once you find inner happiness, you can find exactly what you’re looking for with every other facet of your life.
If you’re interested you should definitely follow Gary Vaynerchuck on Twitter
And I highly recommend watching this video: https://www.facebook.com/gary/videos/10154206374268350/